Questions
by Peeves and Ronni
Summary: Why don't we start at the beginning?
1. A Very Good Place to Start

Chapter 1

It was a familiar feeling, but a foreboding one nonetheless, the realization of where Jonathan Crane found himself after waking up with a pounding headache, where exactly he was.

He was in a deathtrap.

Crane peeled his face off of the floor and got to his feet, rubbing his temples.

"Great," he muttered, "where the hell am i?"

"Dr. Crane," a screen flicked on in front of Crane, revealing a tall man in a gaudy green suit, "it's a pleasure to see you again."

Edward Nygma, the Riddler, just what Crane needed.

"I don't have time for this," Crane sighed and began looking around the room for an exit.

"Oh but you have to play the game to leave," Nygma smiled slyly.

A panel slid up from the floor in front of Crane, displaying a riddle in green text: "What question can you never answer yes to?"

"Oh I know you're smart Crane, this should be easy," Nygma hummed.

"Are you dead," Crane glared up at Nygma.

"Incorrect!" Nygma hummed, "The answer is-"

"Are you dead," Crane repeated, "you can't answer a question when you're dead."

"But that's not the answer to the riddle," Nygma insisted.

"I don't care it's correct," Crane shrugged, "let me go."

An array of emotions crossed Nygma's face: anger, confusion, annoyance, irritation, frustration, rage, intimidation, distress, fear, and finally fury.

"It's not the right answer!" Nygma yelled loudly. The panel disappeared into the ground with a whirr and a slam and the lighting in the room turned red. Crane glanced around and smirked as a door slid open and Nygma stepped out, red faced and furious. Crane snorted, he didn't look the least bit frightening.

"Then why don't you kill me?" Crane asked. Nygma held his cane up to Crane's throat.

"Who said I wasn't going to kill you?" he asked.

"I did," Crane grabbed Nygma's collar and headbutted him, knocking Nygma back and giving him time to make for the open door. Crane slid in and slammed the door shut. The cool green of the monitors lit the entire room, which reeked of Doritos and sweaty socks. Crane walked over to the monitors and pulled up the panel again, typing his own riddle into the box.

"What the hell is this riddle?" Nygma yelled.

"Jervis taught me it," Crane replied, grinning, "It's from Alice in Wonderland."

"How is a plank of wood anything like a highly intelligent bird?" Nygma barked.

"I suppose you'll need to figure that out for yourself," Crane smiled, "or you could let me leave."

"Go to hell," Nygma growled.

"Well then," Crane smiled, "I'm sure I can call Batman or something right? Let's see if he's on here…Oh look you've got him as a contact on Skype, fancy that!"

"You'll end up in jail too!"

"Not necessarily."

"But there's a chance."

"That's a chance I'm willing to take. I prefer Arkham over death."

Crane tilted his head to the side.

"Do we have a deal Mr. Nygma?"

Nygma had a look of apprehension on his face, then sighed.

"Deal, hit the green button on the left of the panel control."

Crane slammed his hand on the button and walked into the main room.

"Thank you," Crane bowed and walked for the open exit and into the night air, "where are we?"

"We're in outer Gotham," Nygma replied, stepping out beside him, "figured Bats would take longer if I dragged you all the way out here."

"Yeah, great," Crane snatched Nygma's bowler hat off his head, "why do you wear this anyway? Does it have any function or is it like Selina's ears?"

"It completes the look," Nygma snatched the hat back, "do you need a ride?"

"I like walking," Crane shrugged.

"Not in this part of town you don't," Nygma muttered, "this is Joker territory."

"Is that why your van's driving towards the docks," Crane gestured to a bright green van covered in question marks making a beeline for the docks.

"Oh Jesus nononononono!" Nygma ran his hands through his hair, "Oh crap! I just got on Joker's bad side last week!"

"Ooh, tough luck," Crane hummed, "Joker kind of likes me so, maybe you'll be safe with me. I live in Penguin's territory."

"You don't have your own," Nygma lowered his hands, "wait you have a permanent place of residence?" Crane nodded and gestured for Nygma to follow.

"I don't need much more than an apartment on a decent side of the city," Crane replied, "that allows pets."

"You have a pet?" Nygma asked.

"Three cats."

Nygma continued to stare at Crane.

"We could probably catch a bus as soon as we get into Penguin's territory," Crane hummed, "how deep are we into Joker's turf."

"Deep."

"Oh good, well, let's go."

Crane kept walking and just sort of hoped one of Joker's lackeys put a bullet in Nygma's head before they got out of his territory.

For some reason, he still had that sense of foreboding.

* * *

Nygma was a complete nervous wreck at this point. Joker's turf was long behind them, but after Crane was kicked off a bus, they were stuck walking through the theater district. Crane was pissed, and kept gesturing to Penguin's lackeys frantically, but stopped whenever he realized Nygma was watching. It was sort of adorable, in a way, and Crane didn't quite look like the intimidating Scarecrow everyone knew him as. He was a spindly, lanky framed man in, from what Nygma could tell, his early thirties, with scruffy brown hair and deep blue eyes.

"You need to stop following me," Crane turned to Nygma finally, "now."

"Well I have nowhere else to go," Nygma reasoned, "I don't have a house, I got evicted after my first heist."

"Mm," Crane rolled his eyes, "maybe you can sleep in a warehouse like most of Gotham's homeless rogues."

"That's not funny Crane."

"I know, I'm being serious."

Nygma sighed and kept following Crane until they arrived at a tall brick apartment.

"Well," Crane opened the building door, "goodnight."

"Wait!" Nygma yelled.

"What?" Crane turned around in confusion.

"Can I, um, stay the night?" Nygma fidgeted uncomfortably, "I don't like sleeping if I'm not in a bed."

"That's stupid," Crane said, "grow a pair."

Nygma flinched, then looked at his feet.

"Please don't say that," he murmured quietly.

"What?" Crane frowned.

"Don't say that," Nygma looked up at Crane, "please."

Crane was quiet for a few minutes, then opened the door wider.

"One night," he said loudly, "and only one. Got it?"

"Absolutely," Nigma nodded.

* * *

 _I need a life._

 _Also for my usual readers, you may have noticed I got rid of a lot of stories._

 _Those aren't coming back._

 _Sorry._

 _Oki Scriddler trash will return weekly!_


	2. But Perhaps not the Best Place

Chapter 2

Crane woke to a loud scream echoing through his house, loud enough that he bolted into a sitting position. From the other bedroom there was the soft sound of muffled sobbing. Crane was slightly confused, until he remembered that Nygma was spending the night.

The door burst open, Joker, half-dressed and wide-eyed, was standing in the doorway with a look of total bewilderment on his face.

"Who just screamed?" he asked, "I swear I didn't do anything!"

"I know," Crane rolled out of bed, "go back to sleep Joker."

"Who's in your guest room?" Joker asked, "No one sleeps in there."

"Nygma."

"You're letting him stay in your house?"

"Look if he wasn't a total wimp I wouldn't be."

"Don't call him that," Joker commented, "I mean I'm an asshole, but there are some things you just don't call people."

"Clarify," Crane hummed, fumbling around for his glasses.

"Imagine someone calling you a twig."

Crane whirled around.

"I'd kill them."

"Yeah but Edward's not like you," Joker leaned on the doorframe, "you don't take shit from anyone; you killed your abuser for the shit she put you through. That's not Nygma. He ran from his troubles, in a lot of ways, I think he's still running."

"When did you learn empathy?"

"I didn't I just get how all of you think."

"I'm terrified by that notion."

"Great," Joker stepped aside, "talk to him."

"Or what?"

"Or I tear your ears off and make earrings out of them."

Crane shoved past Joker and put his glasses on before opening the door to the guest room. Nygma immediately looked up and began rubbing his eyes dry.

"What?" he asked in a shaking voice.

"The fact that Joker had to explain why you had such an issue with the way I've been talking _is_ a serious issue," Crane walked in and sat down on the bed, "What happened?"

"You can't help with this," Nygma shook his head.

"I'm a trained psychiatrist so I'll try my luck," Crane shrugged, "plus I also dealt with abuse as a kid."

"What?" Nygma frowned, "But you, you don't let anyone push you around! Joker has to threaten you to get you to do anything."

"Yeah," Crane nodded, "I killed my abuser when I was like, eighteen," Nygma buried his face in his knees, "but that doesn't mean I've never known what it means to fear them, and it doesn't mean I don't still respond to people insulting me like they did."

"What do you care?" Nygma growled.

"I don't, if you want me to be totally honest," Crane admitted, "but that doesn't mean I enjoy hearing someone wake up screaming and-do you like cats?"

"What? Nygma lifted his head.

"Do you like cats?" Crane repeated.

"Um, yes?" Nygma nodded slowly.

"Okay hold on," Crane stood and walked out of the room, returning after a few seconds with a small ball of light brown fluff, "this is Dullahan."

"Dullahan," Nygma repeated as the kitten was dumped on the bed and immediately began climbing Nygma's legs, "you named a tiny kitten after a powerful Irish faerie."

"Yep," Crane nodded, sitting back down, "he's the devil, that's why."

"And how is a demonic cat supposed to cheer me up?"

"I couldn't find the fat one, and this one was knocking plates off the table."

Dullahan took this opportunity to let out a small, feeble, and ineffectual meow, which really sounded like a very quiet screech. Nygma stared at the cat for a few minutes before breaking into hysterics.

"See I knew I could get you to laugh," Crane smirked.

"What kind of noise is that?" Nygma gasped.

"I dunno but he makes it a lot," Crane shrugged, "maybe smaller things have higher pitched voices or something."

"Is that a fact?" Nygma raised an eyebrow, a devilish grin on his face.

"Um," Crane shifted slightly, "I mean I don't know really I never was much good with how sound wor-"

Crane was cut off as Nygma reached forward and jabbed Crane's side. Crane let out a loud shriek and contracted.

"What the fuck was that for?"

"I was testing your hypothesis."

"By tasing me?"

"How else do I make you scream? You literally don't fear anything."

"I can think of a few things," Joker yelled from the other room.

"I'd rather eat an adder thanks!" Crane retorted loudly.

"Sure you would."

"Go to hell clown!"

"I mean my reputation's already there, what've I got to lose?"

"I probably shouldn't ask but why is Joker in your house?" Nygma asked, staring at the door.

"He's probably having a fight with Harley," Crane shrugged, "he's completely incapable of functioning as an adult so he usually just singles me out because I won't try to kill him for breaking in."

"That is not true!" Joker yelled, "I don't need that bitch!"

"You need her and you know it you half-baked circus attraction!" Crane shouted, "You can't even cook!"

"Well neither can I," Nygma noted.

"Can you please not interrupt?" Crane requested, "I'm winning this argument; payback for being a little shit."

"What did I do?"

"You know what you did!"

"You _are_ loud."

"Joker I swear to god I will throw you out the fucking window."

"I'm shutting up now."

There was a long stretch of silence before Nygma spoke up.

"So how does Joker know that?" he asked.

"Actually that's a very interesting story," Joker began, opening the door.

"Oh my god can you not tell him that story!" Crane stood up and began shoving Joker out the door.

"But he wants to know!" Joker protested.

"He doesn't need to know _that_ story!" Crane yelled.

"But he wants to!" Joker yelled.

"Out!" Crane slammed the door shut.

"Great friend you've got there," Nygma commented.

"I don't have friends," Crane retorted, "I have acquaintances and annoyances."

"Which one am I?" Nygma asked.

"You kidnapped me then threw a tantrum when I outsmarted you," Crane turned and leaned on the door, "also you're crashing at my place after whining for several minutes, woke the entire apartment at," Crane checked the nearest clock, "two in the morning, I was actually sleeping for once in my life, take a wild guess."

"Actually sleeping?" Nygma snorted, "You don't strike me as an insomniac."

"You don't strike me as the type to kidnap murderers but that happened," Crane reasoned.

"Do you just speak in snark?"

"Yep, it's easier than being open about my emotions."

"Oh okay that explains a lot."

Crane frowned and narrowed his eyes.

"When did this turn into you analyzing my personality?"

"When I got curious," Nygma smiled, "you're interesting, what can I say? A genius with a bad attitude and an obsession with human fear. It's an interesting person to watch," Nymga lifted Dullahan, "it's as if this cat were a human."

"When can I hit you?" Crane asked.

Dullahan mewled and wriggled in Nygma's grip.

"Put him down," Crane sighed, "he hates being picked up."

Nygma lowered Dullahan slowly, glaring at Crane as he did.

"For someone who considers me an annoyance, you're oddly polite."

"I'm not polite I just don't need to be bandaging you after that cat mauls you. You'd be surprised how sharp his claws are."

"Oh look, another similarity with his owner, it must be fate!"

"I'm going to hit you."

Nygma sighed and watched Dullahan viciously attack his foot as if it were some evil being that needed to be destroyed.

"Am I really that annoying?" he asked after a long stretch of silence.

"I mean," Crane shrugged, "I've known more annoying people, but yes, you're pretty annoying. Why? It's not like that's an issue."

"It's a bit of an issue," Nygma raised his voice, "I don't want to be annoying, that's not what I want to be known for. I'm fine with irritating victims but I would rather be known for my intelligence than how annoying I am."

"Then maybe riddles weren't your best choice."

"I can't help it!"

Crane paused and narrowed his eyes in confusion.

"I can't help but use riddles," Nygma explained slowly, "it's the only thing I can remember liking about my childhood."

"At least you have happy memories," Crane sat back down on the bed, "however small they might be."

"You're an oddball," Nygma smiled slightly.

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black," Crane smirked, "go back to sleep, and beat it in the morning."

* * *

 _So before you ask, no this is not based on New52 because I utterly despise that shit, and yes, Joker may or may not be 110% totally ooc in most of his appearances and unfortunately he shows up a lot. The way I'm trying to play it is closer to an actual psychopath, like as if the giggling madman usually seen causing chaos is a facet of Joker's personality that he restrains when he's not in public. There's always going to be the edge and in later chapters I'm giving him a bit of a more charming attitude and definitely a tendency towards boredom and...lapses in common sense, we'll call them (a polite way of saying he can be really fucking stupid sometimes)._

 _And I know I said I'd update weekly but evidently, that did not happen. I may have gotten distracted actually writing the damn thing because I'm eight chapters into this._

 _See y'all next chapter, if you're itching for a RWBY fix, my Rosewick trash sister has a bunch of stuff posted including a new story, and there are two Magi fics I also suggest you look at, and of course, follow, favorite, leave a review, question my choice to make Crane okay with Joker sleeping on his couch, continue to ask how Joker knows that implication...I'm not answering them, by the way._

 _Kay bye,_

 _The Jashinist (is an Asshole)_


	3. But Certainly not the Worst

Chapter 3

Nygma and Joker were both gone in the morning, making the entire house eerily quiet, save for Wisp and Banshee making a racket in the kitchen because they were hungry. Crane spent most of the morning reading and moving Dullahan away from his coffee mug. That is until a thud sounded at his door.

Not many people arrived at Crane's early in the day. Not that they didn't show up, but it was more often the case that they'd show up in the middle of the night, drunk or sober, and panicking because Batman was on their tail. Crane had spent his fair share of nights in holding because someone had decided to lead the Bat straight to Crane's doorstep and once had let it slip that Crane let other Rogues stay the night. He'd spent at least six with a drunk Joker sleeping on his lap until someone, usually Harley or Selina, came to post bail, and by that point Crane smelled as much like cheap booze as Joker did.

"Let me in!" Nygma's voice travelled into the room, "Please I have a psychopath following me!"

"If you're talking about Batman, forget it," Crane retorted, "I'm not spending the night in holding because of you."

"No I mean Two Face is following me!"

Crane threw open the door, yanked Nygma in, then slammed the door shut and locked it.

"Are you insane?" Crane almost yelled, "Two Face _hates_ me, like, wants to kill me hates me. In what _world_ would you think that leading him here was a good idea? At all?"

"I didn't know where else to go!" Nygma yelled, "I figured he wasn't gonna follow me all the way to your door!"

"Of course he will!" Crane hissed, shoving Nygma away from the door, "He doesn't give up! He's Two Face! And keep your voice down! He's not deaf!"

"Where is that circus freak?" a gravelly voice snapped just outside Crane's door. Crane turned to Nygma and clapped a hand over his mouth.

"You make a single sound I will break your neck," Crane hissed and waited for the footsteps to recede down the hall and up the stairs before pulling Nygma into the living room and shoving him onto the couch.

"I have half a mind to kill you now," Crane snapped, "save Two Face the trouble."

"You wouldn't," Nygma leaned back.

"Oh don't tempt me," Crane laughed, "you push my buttons; I push you into a vat of acid."

"You don't have a vat of acid," Nygma reasoned.

"Yes but I have a tank of fear gas in my room with a mask attached to it," Crane gestured to his room, "If I wanted to kill you, I'd have a method."

"That's concerning."

"Not really," Crane sat down next to Nygma, "you should've seen Joker's face when I told him that though."

"Well I'm not sure fear gas is a good death threat though," Nygma frowned.

"If you breathe it for too long you'll die," Crane replied, "either you'll suffer an overdose of cortisol and go into cardiac arrest, or you'll suffocate."

"I worry about your sanity," Nygma commented.

" _My_ sanity?" Crane smirked, "What about yours?"

"Excuse you I am perfectly sane," Nygma raised his eyebrows.

"Name the last time you didn't use a riddle in a crime."

"Name the last time you didn't use fear gas."

"August 18th, I used a chemical that completely removes fear, then filled an entire building with it."

"Oh yeah, _that_."

"What about you? Have you ever not used a riddle?"

Nygma shifted uncomfortably, muttering riddles to himself.

"Got anything?" Crane smirked.

"No," Nygma muttered.

"I rest my case," Crane crossed his arms.

Nygma grumbled and slumped down in defeat, looking a little more like a toddler and less like a dignified mastermind. He was neither as far as Crane was concerned, but at least he usually made a concerted effort to seem like a dignified mastermind.

"If it helps at all," Crane shrugged, "being among the Rogues Gallery is a concerning notion for one's sanity as it stands."

"That doesn't help," Nygma muttered, "that means as far as you're concerned, I'm as sane as Joker."

"That is an entirely different can of worms," Crane shrugged, "that I don't even think are worms, they might be beetles."

"Was that an analogy or a joke?"

Crane paused, "Possibly both, did it help?"

"Um," Nygma slid away from Crane slightly, "it concerns me a little that you let him in here."

"He actually doesn't have a key, only three other Rogues have keys."

"Three?"

"Selina feeds my cats when I'm in Arkham, Jervis is a…friend, and Ivy doesn't irritate me nearly as much as the others so I gave her a key. I think I gave Bane a key at some point, but eh, he never uses it."

"And I didn't know about this until last night."

"Yeah well I trust those four; I don't trust you."

"You trust a kleptomaniac and a misandrist?"

"They know better, unlike a certain clown who got shoved out the window last month."

"I don't wanna know."

"Joker and I have a lot of stories you just don't wanna know."

"Well," Nygma got to his feet, "think Two Face is out of the building?"

"Hang on," Crane glanced out the nearest window and noticed a man, who was obviously Two Face, get in a car and leave, "You're good, he probably figured it wasn't worth the time and effort. He'll never stop trying to kill you though, avoid dark alleys on off days."

"Thanks for the advice," Nygma walked out the door.

"Oh yeah," Crane added, "Get me to trust you and you've got a permanent place to crash."

"I'll keep that in mind," Nygma nodded, and shut the door.

* * *

 _Two updates in one day? I truly must be spoiling you._

 _For the record, no, I'm not a huge fan of Two-Face, I like him well enough though so he will show up._

 _See you next chapter, I don't have much to say._


End file.
